At wedding receptions, whenever I am opportuned to be the Chairman or deputy, I usually advise the newlyweds. Those familiar with my speeches during such occasions would agree it comes boxed, with only slight changes if at all. This is what it looks like: “there is difference between a house and a home; the former is a shelter for goods, animals and other object, but a home is meant for a family. Remember also that it is not the size, colour or shape of a building that tells whether it is a house or a home; it is the nature of the relationship of those covered by the roof. As you leave here today, build a home by being husband and wife indeed.
Secondly, there are basically two chambers in a home; the bedroom and sitting room. The former is very private, strictly for the husband and wife. It is a haven for both sacred and secret stuff. In most cases, the success of the marriage depends on how the bedroom information is managed. This information comes in different shades and sizes.
Sometime ago, I visited the wife of a prominent politician. She told me about an incident; of a maid who was put in the family way. After much interrogations, the man of the house was found guilty. The wife of the man went as berserk as threatening to expose her husband. On hearing this however, one of the family’s closest friends intervened. “I learnt about the outcome of your inquiries. It’s quite unfortunate…men of nowadays! I came because I know your reactions to such issues could be way beyond good reasoning.” Madam reclined her seat as the family friend continued, “I tell you what, it has already happened and there‘s nothing you can do than to suture the wound in the best possible way which is to protect your family against public ridicule. What the man did is out rightly wrong but of what good would that be if it becomes media sensationalism. Your husband may repent and you may get back your home but much damage would have been done. Instead, think of a win-win approach; talk it over with him, let him see how precarious such an act is; what it portends to the family.
True to this woman’s advice, the wife sewed the matter up in the bedroom-as one of the family’s top secrets. This is one incident too many. Incest and taboos are no longer news to some homes. However, when the deed has been done, what is the variety of solutions available for couples?
First, synthesize the situation well enough before any action. This will unearth key lapses, perhaps from your end; as a business woman, the wife of the politician was overly too busy to serve her husband. This will calm you down into reasonable solution. Get rid of the lapses.
Secondly, think of saving your home. Remember that many homes out there have gone through worse and came out of it. This approach may appear like a license to continue in barbarism, but it is not; rather it is a better alternative than using a sledge hammer to kill a fly.
Recently, the social media featured a case of marital infidelity of a popular gospel artist; Sunny Okposio was accused of putting a lady in the United States in a family way. A couple of months later, the story of the same artist and his wife on vacation to Dubai with a picture of a hug rip the airwaves from the same media platform. As soon as the second scenario emerged, the media sensationalism ebbed away gradually.
One would have thought that the first scenario portend an imminent collapse to the marriage, however, whether he was guilty or not, given the second scenario, it revealed that both of them, particularly the wife had a better understanding.
Finally, remember also that it is not what happened to you that matters but your reactions. Let your reaction be another miracle that is being churned out from the bedroom of your home.