A friend once said “missing it in the area of marriage is like living the rest of your life with half of your body paralysed.”As a husband, this means either not getting enough support or not getting it at all when it is needed. The result is obvious. One of my spiritual fathers Rev. Tunde Bolanta used to say marriage is the closest thing to heaven, and conversely the closest to hell. Nonetheless, getting the right partner alone is not enough to hit the heaven’s mark; there is need to get it right at every point.

The right partner does not necessarily entail a money magnet; someone that has a good job or even a wealthy background and it is also beyond the purview of being tall, dark and handsome/ stunningly beautiful, although all these are important.

The right person is the one that is wired to tolerate your excesses, downplay your weakness and trumpet your strengths.

Recently, a protégé who had served in our organization called to inform my wife and I of his intention to tie the knots by year-end. I was like:  “who is the lucky lady?” He said such news was too important to be said on phone. As soon as I hung up, I began to wonder who the lady could be, counting her very lucky to have found such a man, for he was one of the unassuming young men that we ever met.

Not too long, he did break the news in my sitting room. That moment was meant to be quite exhilarating but we only feign so. The reason is, more than half a dozen people from different quarters had complained about the lady’s temper. Days later, a friend narrated how for years, the young man endured all sorts of innuendo from the lady after proposing marriage. The narrator confessed that he wouldn’t stand such humiliation even for a week. However, that day, in my sitting room, I could see excitement written all over that young man-like a hunter who had just caught a game. He was her shock-absorber one might rightly say. (I must warn that you do not behave funny or become unruly in a bid to find someone that can tolerate you. It takes high sensitivity to decipher a partner with such large heart for you).

That’s one angle, the other is getting the right partner means someone who has the ability to complement or even amplify another in many ways. For instance, I am gifted in creative writing but not as proficient as my wife in the area of grammar and other formal writing skills. Hence, she edits my works and when she responds in the affirmative I am certain that it can sail anywhere.

The right person also pertains to respect. Such a person exudes respect so much that they keep everything within limit. Truth is any sign of disrespect in relationship is a red light. Owing to her background of losing her father early in life, during our courtship, my wife was so wary of making mistakes that she ended in relationship brinkmanship. However, on many occasions, her mien reveals respect, and that glue held me in until the yellow light turned green.

The spectrum of the right person extends further to include issues of compatibility. By this, I do not mean trivial areas like similarity of state of origin, race, dialect, etc., I mean weightier maters like passion/drive in life, vocation, hobby, religion (and even sect) exposure and perceptions. When the connection between you and your would-be spouse takes any of these forms, then you are on your way to getting the right partner.