A marriage pundit once told of a drama he witnessed one morning; a man and a woman on the front seat of a car exchanging fists as the car careered, their baby on the back seat crying uncontrollably.  If you are a member of the club called marriage for at least five years, it is easy to predict that that sort of drama didn’t start that day; it was the manifestation of issues unattended to or not properly addressed.  I am fond of saying “if you see husband and wife exchanging fist or scowling at each other on a broad day light, it is a sign that they have not done their ‘bedroom work’ or as the cliché goes ‘home work’ well”. Indeed the bedroom is where it all starts from. One of the ways to handle issues from there is to master the art of communication. This is one of the core ingredients in marriage success.

Several studies on daily word count show that women have the tendency of speaking twice or more than men. Some studies emphatically show that women speak more than 4,000 words while their counterparts do 2,000. From my experience, women talk more when they are happy and do far less when they are sad or worried. In both cases, a husband must study the moods with the intent of bringing out the best by putting the finger on the issue.  I could always guess why my wife is excited or why she is unnecessarily mute.

After studying the mood, the next step is figuring out the right approach and time to address it. In doing this, you must bear in mind a general rule: women prefer to be corrected privately. You blow it right there if you do otherwise. The reason is women are wired to be secretive. They flourish best in private.  Irrespective of who she is at home, and whatever may be her shortcoming in the home front, she always appreciates that confidentiality that comes especially from her husband; that gives her the image of dignity, respect and honour from those outside-beyond her bedroom.

Talking about the right approach or time that fits the sail, there is no one size that fits all. My well beaten-path is before going to bed or at first light. For someone else, it may just be excusing her off the crowded area or waiting until everyone has dispersed. I must caution that this requires lots of patience and determination. If the couples who were caught exchanging fists as told above, especially the man had this understanding, or used this approach, the result might have been different.  Hence, keep making effort to get it right, for the tassel will definitely be worth the hassle.

Husband talking to unhappy wife in the living room