Some months back, one of the news headlines that blanketed the airwaves was of a woman who chopped off the manhood of her husband. The story has it that the man specialized in marital infidelity-“away match” as it is referred to colloquially. Obviously, the woman was infuriated by his unrepentant attitude. Of course the man’s act is condemnable, but then how right could her judgment or reaction be, as it leaves a “man” without his “hood.” Needless to say she has since been behind bars.

Years ago, while growing up, my father had a tenant, a medical doctor by profession whose wife was always suspicious of his being involved in some hanky-panky. Each time the man stayed beyond 7pm, in “revenge” the woman would make it to the near-by pub. These were the cracks that consequently sent the marriage to the rocks. Recently, I heard of a celebrity whose story is not different from the one above. At the slightest provocation, the wife would take the next “revenge turn.” Unsurprisingly, the marriage had barely lasted for a year before it parked up.

What do you do when your partner has suddenly become alcoholic, indulges in gambling, or practices infidelity? Do you swift into the narrative of revenge mission? Can two wrongs make right? The late Bishop Desmond Tutu once said, “an eye for an eye makes the world full of blind people.” So what is the way out?

As the first step towards solution, bear in mind that the venom of your action is primarily injurious to your life; first as consequence before hurting anyone else. If it is alcohol, it slowly damages the liver. If it is gambling, the psyche is at risk and if it is sexual promiscuity, the STIs  and soul-ties are lurking.

Secondly, consideration must be given to the foundation of the courtship/marriage. If you meet your partner as a victim to any of these malaises, then you need to exercise more patience if you’re convinced to remain. However, if it is a sudden indulgence, then there must be a reason, which will require you to decipher.

In order to tackle this menace, one needs to come to terms with the language of tact. This does not mean you become a doormat to your husband; it does mean that you become wise and smart. On Television the other day, I listened to how a woman won her husband over against alcohol. Each time the man steps in, rather than nagging, or playing the revenge drama, she simply performed her role as a wife; serves the meal, get everything set for bath and pulled off his wears. Awhile later, the returning home from office turned out to be quite early than usual. Some months later he reeks less and less of alcohol until that influence completely vanished. Later, he testified that the extra ordinary love she demonstrated gradually made him longed to come home to be with her. 

If you have done all you could yet to no avail then try once more, and while you do, communicate your grievance to your spouse under bedroom closed door. If all these fail, then you have done your part and the law of Karma will judge you right. Once a woman told me how she had put up with her husband’s baggage for years. That is the lily she chose to offer against a thorn for a playboy husband. The man wouldn’t just budge. Alas, the man ended up with HIV/AIDS and passed on some 20-years back, leaving the wife and their son not only alive, but HIV/AIDS free today. Yes I believe that nature has a way of judging people who offer lily in place of a thorn, and nature will judge you right if you keep to the path of wisdom.